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Looking back and looking forward

12th December 2022

I do wish I could write this blog without mentioning treatment but it’s still part of my life! I finished the Phesgo (Herceptin) injections at the start of November which was a great milestone and means my hair might actually grow properly again!!! Yipee.

However, my oncologist wants me to take tablets for a year, starting in January. The “icing on the cake” in terms of keeping this type of cancer at bay. There are side effects (aren’t there always) but we will take it slowly and see how I get on. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it’s minimal.

STOP PRESS! ONLINE OPENING TO CHANNEL ONE TO ONE COURSES NOW AVAILABLE!

Meanwhile, on the spiritual side – a big development! I ran my first Opening to Channel course online last weekend. I didn’t think this it could be done as well as face to face and was resisting but a wise spiritual friend had pointed out recently that my students are well able to deal with the energies remotely and so am I. Add to that a potential student who couldn’t attend a face to face course this month due to the train strikes but who was super keen and willing to be a one to one online guinea pig, and I couldn’t ignore the message from the Universe any more.

My student was wonderful. Very ready to channel and very supportive. It was a truly magical experience and proved it can be done. An easier and cheaper proposition for students – they can learn to channel from the comfort of their own homes and don’t have to pay for accommodation when travelling here from afar. Thank you Universe for a special new gift. I look forward to working this way in the future and already have another student ready to take the online course next week.

I am also thinking about a course to develop channelling skills further for my students and have ideas about what form that will take, remembering what Lita used to do. It will be a one day course but will need to be face to face so I’ll find a venue here.

Have a good Christmas readers and I wish you love and light for 2023. Keep positive, don’t give into fear or the negative energies that are swirling around at the moment. Stay in your heart centre and connected to your soul xx

Looking ahead…

24th July 2022

After I finished radiotherapy, in my mind I was out and clear and ready to resume my life again, which I did, but I definitely took on too much. As a result, I had a bit of a setback, getting struck down with tonsillitis and needing antibiotics which thank goodness sorted it out but I felt washed out afterwards. So, I’ve been taking it easy and working my way back into things a bit more slowly. I’ve had some wonderful week breaks with my better half (in the Peak District in March) and two of my sisters (in Cornwall in April) which were so relaxing. I’ve been able to increase what I’m doing on the volunteering front and walking our dog every other day is working as I can feel my stamina building up.

So, what of the spiritual side? I continue to work with a small group of us who meditate every day and we join in as and when our diaries permit. This is so helpful in keeping the practice of meditation going and building my skills. I have a routine each morning and evening, to clear my energy (sending away any energy that is not mine and calling back my own energy to me), link in with my soul and draw in as much light as I can. That light can be directed to my day ahead.

I’m now looking to offer an Opening to Channel Course in early October if a suitable venue can be found. I tend to offer a Friday and Saturday because it helps those who work in particular to integrate the energies on the Sunday before getting back to their day to day routine. Learning to channel can be challenging but so rewarding, and time to rest afterwards is important.

I’m also thinking about how I could offer a follow-on course for those who have learned how to open to channel.  It would show students how to communicate with other energies such as crystals and animals, channelling those as well as developing their skills in channelling their guide for other people.

Meanwhile, I have been providing channelled readings myself to clients and that is always a joy.

So, lots to do and people on my mailing list I need to contact to update them on the plans ahead. Have a good summer, readers! We are in the midst of challenging times so avoid getting caught up in fear and any negative emotions swirling around by staying in the light. Draw it in and expand your energy as much as you can.

Love and light

#channelling #spiritguides #spiritualteacher #meditation #channelledreadings

Watershed moment…

5th March 2022

Can’t believe it was January when I last blogged. Or maybe I can! Time flies.

I’m not commenting here in detail on the world situation (I will do that separately) but suffice to say it puts all our problems in perspective. There is always someone a lot worse off in the world than oneself and I send love and light to all involved in the conflict.

So, this is an update and hopefully a watershed moment in the reporting on my health! I started radiotherapy at the start of February and finished it at the beginning of March. Truly a moment to celebrate. I am still having the Phesgo injections every three weeks but these have no side effects and I can forget about them pretty much. It’s five minutes of some discomfort and being careful afterwards with the injection site as it can sometimes feel sore, but that’s it!

The radiotherapy was an ‘interesting’ experience. I had forgotten much about this from the first time I had it back in 2011 and the technology has advanced since then. This was at a specialist cancer hospital in Windsor. I had to go for an appointment beforehand to be measured by cameras. There was no need for tattoo markers which I had last time and which are still used for some patients by the NHS. I still have the old tiny dots from last time.

The site being treated was my left side up to the collar bone and in the armpit around the lymph area. Patients are treated every weekday but weekends are free which is a nice interlude. The treatment itself takes about five minutes or so but there was travelling time of around 40 minutes each way on top and waiting time so it was around two hours or more each day. They organise travel to and from the hospital for all patients so I had interesting chats with a variety of drivers about all manner of topics! I had to travel on the day of Storm Eunice. The roads were very quiet on the whole – we only saw one lorry – but you could feel the car being buffeted in the wind. Inevitably there was a tree down blocking one of the roads on the way back.

Patients who have radiotherapy to the left side have to hold their breath. This is to create a space between the treatment area and the heart. You lie down and they move you about a bit to get you in exactly the right place to match the measurements taken previously. Your arms are held in supports above your head so it feels a bit like being a spatchcock chicken! The one thing that fazed me initially was they put a device above my head which had two lines. One in the middle and one which moved according to the movement of your chest. When you breathe in, the line moves down towards the middle line and the aim is to keep them there. However, for me it was a distraction and I found myself adjusting my chest as  the moving line hovered around. It really didn’t work and made me more stressed so the next day I said I would use it for the initial breath in and then close my eyes and focus on holding my chest steady. That worked for me and the nurses were happy with it. I did find towards the end that I found it harder on some days to hold as much breath in. Probably due to being tired.

As seems to have been my experience throughout, this has all been more of a challenge than I was  expecting. Chemo was a struggle but I was hoping radiotherapy would be easier. However, I felt very emotional after the first two days of radiotherapy. Thinking about it, it was probably due to the stress of breathing properly, getting there and being driven by people I didn’t know, getting used to a new hospital, etc. I had the weekend to process it all and it was much easier on the Monday as I knew what to expect. From that point on, it was straightforward.

I was scheduled for 25 sessions which equates to five weeks, although I started on a Thursday and finished on a Wednesday. The first 20 sessions covered the whole area and the last five were a “booster” to the site of the original tumour. I had a debate with them about some gel they gave me before the treatment began as, checking the ingredients I saw it contained parabens which are not a good ingredient and something I make every effort to avoid. Alternatives they offered were also not as ‘pure’ as I wanted so I searched for something I could use myself. This complicated matters as they were a bit leery about allowing me to use something they hadn’t approved! I couldn’t use an oil (it might aggravate the radiation effects) and I had to ring Green People about the baby lotion I wanted to use to find out whether it contains any trace elements of metals (which can also affect the radiation). It may contain tiny trace elements of nickel and cobalt found in the soil where some of the plants are grown. I reported this back and was very pleased when the nurse told me I could use it but only after the treatment when I got home and the night before, not the morning before. That was fine by me.

The radiotherapy has caused my skin to go quite red and it became a little itchy in places as time progressed. I gave the area a lot of Reiki which has eased this and the lotion helped too. As I am now getting hints of hayfever coming back I started my daily antihistamines which they suggested as a way of reducing the itchiness. Another side effect is feeling tired. As I was feeling very fatigued with the chemo, this is not something new and is likely to last for up to two weeks after the radiotherapy ended together with the redness and itching. As side effects go, though, this is all manageable.

There was a small waiting area outside the radiotherapy unit and there would often be someone else to say hello or chat to. One woman had checked out a swollen gland below her ear. She had no other symptoms (usually this is accompanied by a sore throat or discomfort) and they had warned her this might be cancer as indeed it was. She is now having radiotherapy to her throat and she told me she would have to have a tube inserted into her stomach as she soon would not be able to swallow food. That’s a tough thing to deal with. Back to the reminder that there is always someone experiencing a tougher time than you.

The hospital also offers complementary therapies and support from a representative of the Penny Brohn Cancer Charity. The latter offers all sorts of useful resources and help. I chose reflexology for my complementary therapy as I love that and I have already had three treatments with one more to go. NHS cancer units usually offer this as well, relying on therapists to donate their time and expertise for free.

The hospital has a gym and provides patients with what they call “exercise medicine” which is a tailored gym programme for about 12 weeks if you sign up to it. The benefits of exercising are well known in supporting recovery and benefiting health and I am enjoying my two sessions a week. My programme focusses on muscle development as it was pretty weak after languishing bed for so long with the chemo! I am now doing leg extensions, leg curls, weights and squats! Never thought I’d become a gym enthusiast!!

Last Wednesday was a special day as it marked my last radiotherapy treatment. In the waiting area near Reception there is a bell and a sign which says

Ring this bell

Three times well

Its toll to clearly say

 

My treatment’s done

This course is run

And I am on my way!

  • Irve le Moyne

 

The now-widespread tradition of ringing the bell was introduced in 1996 at MD Anderson when U.S. Navy Rear Admiral Irve Le Moyne, a patient with head and neck cancer, installed a brass bell at the main campus Radiation Treatment Center there.

I am pleased to report that I rang that bell! Members of staff gathered round to make it an occasion and one recorded a video on my phone. I removed my hat which I wear most of the time because my head is cold in this weather! My hair is now about 5mm long so still very short but it’s coming along nicely and I don’t mind being seen as I am.

For me, Wednesday marked a real milestone. My main treatment is done and I can now focus on getting back to normal again. I will see my oncologist next month and the surgeon in June but hubby and I can now plan more enjoyable things and on a personal front, I can go back to my volunteering work and plan some courses in the second half of the year when I’ve had a chance to build up my strength and we know how the Covid situation looks.

Meanwhile, my meditation practice continues and the group I am part of is sending as much light as we can to a troubled world. Keep focussing on peace and the positive power of love. It counts, it matters and it makes a difference.

Love and light to you all

Happy New Year Everybody!

13th January 2022

I’ll be honest, I am glad to see the back of 2021. The timing of the change of year has mirrored my situation, with 2021 seeing the last of the worst of my treatment and I look forward to better days ahead!

So, here’s an update since my last post. I had surgery as planned on 16th December. General anaesthetic is a peculiar experience. I’ve had a few operations in my life and each time, it’s a bit weird anticipating the knowledge that you’ll be knocked out and brought back again! That feeling of losing consciousness as the anaesthetic works is odd and then, when you come to, there’s the nurse calling your name and you fade in and out for a bit. All the staff at the hospital were wonderful and the surgeon did a great job with very neat stitches. I was delighted to know the port-a-cath had been removed as it was proving very uncomfortable as I had lost weight.

A small area of tissue was removed and some lymph. A drain had been left for the lymph area, which means a tube to a bottle. It works by vacuum rather than gravity. I was sent home with a linen bag to put it in and carrying it around with me all the time was a bit odd. I had to put the bag handles over my left arm to ensure I didn’t get up in a hurry and leave it hanging!! They sent me home early that evening and I felt pretty good. Didn’t need much in the way of painkillers but I took them when I needed them.

That was on the Thursday and the following Monday I went to have the drain removed. I think the nurse had done a few of those before. No warning, just whip it out! Best way but it makes you wince a bit! Much better out than in. I was pleased to see the back of the tube and bottle.

On Christmas Eve, hubby and I returned to see the surgeon who let us know that the operation had been a success, with no sign of any cancerous tissue removed! Hurrah! The chemo had done its job. Only fly in the ointment was the lymph area which had a small seroma (a build up of fluid) which the surgeon drained (more needles). Normally seromas are not much of a problem and go down fairly quickly after surgery. I had to be the person who had a massive build up and over the holiday period too so it was 5 days before I could ring them and go back for it to be drained again. 450ml of it. The relief. However, it built up again over New Year, with another bank holiday to delay matters, so it was a similar size. I was back the next time within 3 days and it still needed draining but is getting much better.

Meanwhile, we met my oncologist again who confirmed that I would need radiotherapy. He is a very technical guy and enjoys explaining everything in detail which is good except for the fact that I only take in a small part of it! Basically, I have to have four weeks’ treatment, Monday to Friday. It sounds like the technology has changed a great deal in the ten years since I last had it. I will need to hold my breath to create as much as a gap as possible between the area being zapped and my heart. I think it’s a case of hold your breath as long as you can – the machine knows when you let the breath out again. I have practised and can hold my breath for up to a minute. We go back for another consultation soon to see the unit and discuss dates.  I don’t have a problem with radiotherapy – compared with chemo, it’s easy. It only last a few minutes.

He also confirmed that my Phesgo injections could resume – this is a protein blocker because my cancer is HER2+. I have these injections every 3 weeks for 18 cycles and I’ve had around four already so they will go on until September. The injections only take about five minutes to administer in the thigh. It feels quite sore afterwards but wears off. Best not to drag your trousers back up over the site like I did the first time – that hurts! Otherwise, injections are quick and easy. No nasty side effects so far either. Fingers crossed that continues.

So 2022 means more treatment but nothing awful. My body has been through a bit of a battering so it will take time to build up my stamina and strength again. My fingernails are in a dreadful state, poor things, and break all the time. I’m taking supplements and going for walks again which is all good. And my digestive system is improving. Yay!

I can’t set dates for my courses yet as I need to complete radiotherapy and feel strong enough to resume ‘normal’ life. However, I am meditating and working on my spiritual skills and well-being so that I’ll be in a strong place when I am able to resume the courses. And of course, on a day to day basis, there is always work to be done, holding light, radiating light and connecting with my soul and my guide. It’s very easy to forget to do that when you get caught up in emails, the internet and everyday matters but that’s when it’s needed the most! I’d say this is still very much a work in progress. Personality taming continues!!

And my new hair growth almost covers my head. It’s still really, really short but when I brush my hand over my head it is beautifully soft! It will be a while yet though before I can ditch the hats and turbans, not least because it’s cold without much hair! I still wear a thin cap at night for that reason.

So, that’s where I’m at. I’m very much looking forward whilst trying to make the most of the here and now. I wish you all the very best for 2022. May we all experience a better year than the last two. Focus on the positives and believe we can make this world a happier and more loving place xx

Baby Hairs and Trials and Tribulations!

15th December 2021

The good news first! Little baby hairs on my head!! I’m so pleased. Love how soft it feels. Like baby hair but then, that’s what it is really.

It’s so long since I last posted. I had hoped to be more regular with my musings but circumstances have prevented me from doing this. Mainly my problems with the chemotherapy.

I can’t believe I haven’t posted since 24th October! So much has happened since then. This could be a long read!

I had two chemotherapy treatments left at that point and was feeling ok to face the first of them (the 7th in total). It was on the 3rd November and I had one of my lovely friends round to be my gopher as usual. So lovely to have the company and chatter!

Well, yet another difficult experience. I can remember lying in bed a few days after, totally exhausted, feeling too tired almost to get to the bathroom and too tired to even cry. Sorry if this sounds dramatic but it was how I felt. Talking to another friend who is going through docetaxel too, she also feels totally exhausted and very emotional so I’m not alone. It doesn’t last forever but it took me a long time to feel up to getting out of bed and doing even small things during the day. I certainly didn’t feel I could necessarily face one more treatment. My body was struggling. More sore fingers, numbness in fingers and feet, the digestive system problems never ceased, fatigue, erratic sleep…

I had a telephone consultation with my oncologist a week after when I explained my symptoms and he suggested we might reduce the dose or even possibly cancel the last treatment but we would discuss this again. My feelings of relief at this were huge. He also booked me in for an MRI on the Friday before my last chemotherapy date. This would show how well chemo had worked and whether the tumour had reduced in size. We would make a final decision about cancellation at a telephone consultation after the MRI.

One of the nurses rang me to see how I was getting on and I mentioned what the oncologist had suggested. She was so supportive, explaining that it was not uncommon for patients to have their last treatment cancelled and the level of side effects was an indication that the chemotherapy was working. I felt really reassured by this information and comforted that I wasn’t on my own in my experience.

Meanwhile, I had my flu jab which was all good. Giving the dose and my arm Reiki reduces any side effects so I felt pretty much fine.

I had the MRI which is a little tricky as I had to lie face down on a frame with my arms above my head and keep still whilst the machine makes the most odd and loud noises of banging and thumping. It’s so loud they put headphones on you and a choice of music. I had a line into my port which would send dye in halfway through. I think I was squashing the port line inside my vein on the frame as for the next few nights it was sore and I had trouble sleeping.

My oncologist rang again as promised. The MRI results weren’t through yet but we discussed my symptoms and he confirmed he would cancel the last treatment. I was so relieved, I cried after we finished the call. I honestly think my body had had enough and whilst I would have put up with it, I’m not sure my body could have coped with any more battering!

So, it was just the Phesgo – only another 15 of those to go!

I got the results of the MRI shortly after. In the words of my doctor, the tumour had reduced “big time”!! Yay. So, now onto the surgical team for surgery to remove what was left around 5-6 weeks after the last chemotherapy.

Like my oncologist, my surgeon is great. We had a consultation and he explained that he would remove what is left and most of my lymph. I needed a marker inserted so he would know where to go since there was so little left. That was sorted the same evening. Surgery has been planned for 16th December with a pre-op visit to the hospital for an ECG, a blood test and a PCR. Afterwards I had to go directly home (do not pass go, do not collect £200) and hubby and I have had to self-isolate until the op. In at 7.30am so that’s good. Get it sorted and out again the same day.  

So, another milestone reached. I haven’t been up to taking our dog for a walk for most of the time although I managed a few walks before the pre-op. I could only do about a mile but was beginning to build this up so I’ll continue with easy, short walks to begin with and build up my stamina and fitness again. I’m looking forward to getting back to the 3 or 4 mile walks I used to do with him. Two friends have been fab and walked our dog twice a day for us during the period of self-isolation. I even started a jigsaw!

I’ve got time to recover before Christmas so I’m very grateful for that. We will have a family Christmas that we didn’t get last year (as long as the government doesn’t mess that up). The tree is up and the lights are on around the house. So looking forward to it!

I’m so lucky to have my husband, relatives and friends who have all given me such amazing support through this journey. It’s not over yet as I still have to have the Phesgo injections but the worst should most definitely be over!

Meanwhile, I continue to enjoy our morning meditations with the group which are a blessing and keep me connected to spirit. I was worrying a bit about the surgery but I realised that was my personality taking over so I spent some time in meditation, sending light to the health professionals involved, for everything to go smoothly and it to be a success. Let’s see how good my light skills are…

Love and light to all who read this. No idea when my next update will be but have a lovely Christmas everyone!

Quietly optimistic (but with fingers firmly crossed)

24th October 2021

So, yet another dose of chemo over but more trials and tribulations. It’s getting harder. But in six weeks’ time I should be over the worst! 

Had the usual lovely nurse coming to give me chemo and each time one of my friends has been there to gopher – make tea, answer the door, be there to chat. So much appreciated. All went well with the 20% reduction meaning I did not have the awful muscle spasms (or at least hardly at all). However, on the Friday after, I had a great appetite (maybe due to steroids?) and a huge desire to eat some fish and chips! Hubby got them and I ate the whole lot. So nice but oh did I pay for it! All night kept awake as my digestive system tried to deal with it. And thereafter, my digestive system has never recovered. Disrupted sleep, can’t go out, tired – yet another tale of woe, sorry. However, highlights remain my hubby dealing with a meltdown with tact and patience, a gifted healer friend who regularly clears my energy and a local reflexologist who is keeping my body in balance. The problems with a dodgy digestive system are that you can’t eat normally. I’ve told hubby just to cook for himself whilst I experiment with types and frequency of different foods. Sometimes I just don’t feel like eating. Medication doesn’t work. All a bit wearing. I spent most of the first week after chemo in bed or in the bathroom. Sorry, is this tmo? Absolutely knackered and not very happy.

Add to that the taste issues from chemo and food just ain’t what it used to be. At one stage all I could taste was sweet and salt. I made a spag bol and had added some celery salt. Not a lot but it was all I could taste! But it doesn’t last forever and does improve towards the end of the cycle, thank the lord.

However, there is light at the end of this particular tunnel. I enquired of Bupa if they could pay for acupuncture and yes they can! I found a doctor 20 minutes away who offers acupuncture. He also understands cancer and the side effects of the chemo. Appointment made and I went yesterday. He worked on my colon and oh goodness, did those acupuncture points make themselves known. Needles in my feet, legs and hands. Hubby took me and I was so sleepy afterwards. Went to bed for a good couple of hours’ kip. I was able to consume some soup later on as I was starving but was careful about how much! Went to bed in some trepidation to see what the results would be. Woke once but no awful repercussions and then slept heavily until 7.30am. So far so good today. Keeping my fingers firmly crossed but I have 4 more sessions on Bupa so thank the lord for that! I will need all the help I can get to survive the last two chemo sessions but I have faith in complementary therapies and will be throwing everything at this to get through it. 

Lots of detox baths as usual. One other odd side effect is sore finger tips. Makes opening plastic containers (such as fresh soup) very hard so hubby has to help with that. 

I suppose all these problems are not entirely due to the new type of chemo. It has a cumulative debilitating effect on the body so more is likely to go wrong as time goes by. 

So onto more positive things. An old school friend sent me the most soft and beautiful beanie hat which I am wearing during the day. The colours are just gorgeous. Friends have also been so kind in sending me lovely flowers and dropping round plants. Unexpected and I am very grateful.  

Oh, and I got a call from the surgical team confirming the results of that fun biopsy – clear! Woo hoo. 

Now looking forward. If I’d been writing this a week ago I would have said I could not face the next chemo. Now I can. 

I am having the flu jab on Tuesday because it seems sensible to get protection with my immune system shot to pieces right now. I will be giving Reiki to the dose before they jab me. 

I have an MRI scan booked just before my last chemo to check how the lump has reacted to the chemo. It definitely feels as if it has reduced. I also have to have regular echocardiograms now (every 3 months) because of the Phesgo injections. 

I would dearly like to feel strong enough to take our mutt for a walk. I’ve only managed maybe a couple of outings and I could do with a boost from nature and sunshine. 

I had another ‘dark night of the soul experience’ when I was lying awake feeling at the end of my tether. Asking all those lovely Beings of Light for help as I lay there, back came the clear message that I need to focus on the positives. It’s a basic law of the Universe that what you focus on is what you bring into your life. Getting frustrated and angry and only focussing on what I don’t want is part of the problem. So, a change in attitude and approach was required. You’d think I’d know better but this whole experience is such a challenge and a great way of reminding me of the basics! I was also guided towards the doctor who could help me with acupuncture. Another basic law of the Universe is you have to ask for help. I did and it came. 

I also thought it was time to focus on myself completely and ask others to take over the morning meditation group that I had been managing, but more recently on an increasingly intermittent basis. I was finding it harder to do and it wasn’t fair on the group to be inconsistent with what I could do and what I couldn’t. Others have stepped in to keep it going which is as you’d expect from this lovely group of souls – they are such a wonderfully supportive group. We all benefit from the meditation sessions and I can join in or not as I feel able now. 

So, to end this edition of my blog, as usual, with the words Onwards and Upwards! The end is in sight. 

 

Reasons to be cheerful…

9th October 21

So, after my last post lamenting my many trials and tribulations, it is time to be much more upbeat. Because I have much to be grateful for and I’m now on the up! 

I left you anticipating having a blood transfusion. That was last Tuesday. What a transformation. Two units of AB D Rh pos from one or possibly two lovely people who gave up their time and the red stuff to help someone else. They have my gratitude. It takes a while. Each unit is approximately 250-300ml and takes two hours to transfuse. So I sat in bed, resting or reading, had lunch and was checked on a regular basis. Not exactly hard work on my part. I went in as someone who was huffing and puffing just going upstairs. I came out a spring chicken, able to take our dog on a gentle walk again in the sunshine, enjoying life and feeling the joy of just being out of the house and amongst nature. My thanks to the nurses and all involved. 

The next day wasn’t quite so pleasant. Mammogram and biopsy to hunt down a very small lymph node that had proved elusive in terms of yielding conclusive results so this one was being done using the x-ray machine. Women of a certain age will understand exactly what a mammogram entails. The rest of you will have to imagine (or just move onto the next paragraph!). Mammogram first. Squish, squash. Then the really fun part. They needed to make sure they were taking the biopsy from the right area as the ultrasound hadn’t been precise enough. So, they got me to lie on my right side on a bed, in a position I could maintain throughout the procedure. Earring out, various padding provided for vulnerable parts. Back into the machine, squish, squash. “This is what it will sound like when we take the sample” – sound of loud clicking. Yes, I know, I’ve heard that before, thank you. Anaesthetic in (“just a sharp scratch but it will start to work very quickly”). Biopsy needle in. X-ray to check it’s in the right position. Yup, all good. Off we go. Eight samples and accompanying clicks. “Are you ok?” asked at regular intervals until I said “I will let you know if I’m not ok” as actually talking is a bit of an effort when half your face is squashed on a pillow. I zone out into a place of meditation with a hefty dose of the frequency of peace. Marker inserted and finally I am released. Think I might be having words with the surgical consultation when I next talk to him. I was not expecting that… and I gave them a box of chocolates beforehand. Might not have been so generous had I known what they were going to do!! Seriously, the care was amazing and the determination to get the right results to make sure they know what they are dealing with is much appreciated. And it wasn’t as bad as it may sound, honest.

I had the usual visit from one of the nurses to discuss how things were going. Key points to discuss were the fact that the next dose will be reduced by 20% and my lower weight (due to the eating problems caused by the tooth). I haven’t been as low as my current weight since BC (before children) but I am eating properly now, although my tastebuds have inevitably been affected by the chemo. Salt and sweet come through clearly but the rest is a bit of a blur, making it difficult to really appreciate what I’m eating. 

It’s hubby’s and my wedding anniversary the day after chemo (not good timing) so we will be going out for a meal beforehand. Hope those tastebuds are back in action by then. 

Bloods will be taken on Monday. Hopefully all the numbers look ok and particularly haemoglobin following the blood transfusion.  

And, now I’m almost back to normal (whatever that is), except getting a good night’s sleep is a challenge, plus my digestive system is still a bit dodgy but I can hardly expect to be absolutely fine! I’ll take what I can. 

What is good is that I feel able to manage our morning meditation group again. I am very grateful to those in the group who have stepped in to keep it going whilst I’ve been unable to do so. When I am running it, I connect in with my guide and our wonderful group guide and former teacher, Lita (who like my guide works with us on the inner planes), to choose the meditation from the many recordings we have. We use Skype and I play the meditation for us all to follow. The energy of the group is very strong and enhances each individual’s experience of that particular meditation. The joy of working in a group is something special that we all feel and appreciate. Each person contributes their individual energy to the group, making the group experience stronger and richer. The meditations range from self-help to world service so there’s plenty to work on. Honing the personality and living a soul-infused life are the goal and it’s a lifelong commitment. Sometimes we remember and sometimes we forget, to use a phrase in one of the meditations, but we always strive to improve. Working with energy is such a valuable skill as you can achieve so much more than working on a human, personality, level. Remembering that those skills are available and trying to use them on a day to day basis are part of our learning experience. Everyone in the group has been such a support to me over the last few months in particular and I am truly grateful for that. I feel blessed to be part of this.

Back to the more mundane physical plane matters – chemo again next Wednesday. This will be #6. Three quarters of the way through. I’m getting there. Onwards and upwards! 

Thanks for reading and as always, love and light to you all.

The worst week of my life!

1st October 2021

Hello dear readers. This might be a long moan, for which I apologise in advance! I had high hopes of the new type of chemo. I was halfway through the treatment and changing to “T”. I’d heard it was less prone to making one feel nauseous and I felt I had prepared myself to cope with it well. How wrong can one be! It hit me like a sledgehammer. Muscle spasms in my legs and torso which did not cease for four days and nights. That kept me awake at night so I was exhausted as well as feeling totally toxic. The toxic level made me feel shivery. 

To add to my woes, I had managed to break part of a molar on the day of the chemo, eating a chocolate ginger biscuit. Let that be a lesson to me. The tooth edge was now sharp and making my tongue sore which meant as time progressed that I couldn’t chew or swallow without pain. I bought some dental wax used by braces wearers and managed to cover it with that but it was still a major problem. 

After having detox baths every morning and evening and foot patches at night to draw out those toxins, i slowly started to feel a bit better. Having discussed the problems with my nurse, the oncologist has agreed that I will have a 20% reduction in the chemo dose next time round. That will enable me to face the next session! 

Once the spasms and shivers eased (also helped by treatments from my lovely reflexologist who visits me at home), I felt able to face seeing the dentist. My thanks to the lovely receptionist who gave me an appointment the same day and the dentist – the tooth has a temporary filling which means I can chew again! Thank the lord. My tongue is healing. 

When I was given the chemo, the nurse pointed out that my last blood test showed my haemoglobin levels are low. This affects your breathing and ability to just move around without puffing like a train. I took the dog for a short walk at a snail’s pace and spent 20 minutes on the sofa afterwards trying to recover! Since then I haven’t been able to move around the house without huffing. The nurse had mentioned a blood transfusion which initially I rejected but as time progressed and I realised what an effort simple tasks were proving to be, I decided this needed to be done so I’ve had a blood test to cross match and the transfusion will be next Tuesday. Apparently, the improvement is pretty much instantaneous. Hurrah and my thanks to all those people who give blood. I am so grateful. I have donated over the years but since having cancer I can no longer do this myself. 

Add to all this the fact that my digestive system is really not very happy after being messed around with and there is one last problem to solve. Probiotics, dry toast, rice and eating little and often will hopefully sort that out. 

I do, however, despite all this feel optimistic today and ready to share my sad tale, hence this update. I have amazing family and friends, all sending positive thoughts, healing energy and support. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. One day at a time.

One additional treatment I have to have now is something called Phesgo. This is a combination hormone drug of Herceptin and Pertuzamab (no idea if spelling is right!) because my cancer is HER positive. This was initially given the day after the chemo so they could see if I had any problems but will be at the same time for the rest of the chemo. I then have a rest until after surgery and resume it for a year. This is given as an injection in the thigh which sounds horrible but isn’t that bad as long as the nurse goes slowly and it only lasts about 7 minutes. That’s bearable. It’s every 21 days. 

Meanwhile, on the surgical front, I have to have a mammogram and possible biopsy next week. I’ll be bouncing around by then!

I am so lucky to be able to receive all this treatment. I continue to draw down the light to keep me supported. I dowse and I connect with my guide when I’m up to it. 

Love and light to everyone reading this. I hope my next blog post will be a lot more positive!!!

Elementor #793

Nearly halfway there

26th August 2021

I seem to be managing to write on this blog once a month, which is pretty good considering. 

I wrote my last post just before I was due to give a remote channelled reading. What an amazing experience that was! I have a relatively new guide whose energy is very different from my last one (who is still around if I need to call on him). I found connecting and understanding my new guide something of a challenge but a wise friend provided some valuable insights and advice and that was all I needed to be up and running with Shaman. Thank you SK. 

The reading was so easy to do, despite a blip with my internet connection at the beginning. I trust it provided Mary Ann with the guidance she needed for the next part of her path. Whilst I can’t remember most of what was said  – that’s often the way with channelling – and even if I could, I wouldn’t impart the content here which was confidential. Suffice it to say, she is a highly connected soul who has so many possibilities ahead of her. 

So, what about my mundane, everyday life? Another chemo session with all the physical challenges that brings. However, I am adapting and learning all the time and coping better. I had pretty much given up on walking since chemo started. Before the treatment, I would walk our dog for four miles each morning but I can’t do that now. However, I gave up almost entirely, thinking I just didn’t have the energy. No a good move. I realised how important walking was when we went for another hospital appointment and had to walk from the shopping centre car park to the hospital, and back afterwards. Not far, but I realised how much better I felt. Lightbulb moment! Now I am walking in the afternoons every day and it’s amazing how much better I feel. I should have remembered how good this was from the first time I had chemo. I walked our dog (a different one then) every morning and conked out in bed afterwards! But it really helped my general physical well being. Lesson learned!

My daughter came to stay for a week. She lives in the North and we hadn’t seen her for more than a year so that was a joy. She cooked two wonderful meals for us and was a great support. 

I continue to meditate every morning with the wonderful group I am a part of. I connect with my soul and the light every evening and morning (unless I am really tired and forget). When I am walking, it is so nourishing to draw in the energy of nature around me, and return the gesture by radiating light out to all the elementals. Always a joy to walk with them and feel their company.

I remain deeply grateful to my husband, family and friends who are all so supportive. The former is amazing, even when I am grumpy after chemo. It’s a challenge and I’m always being sent lessons to learn, especially about dealing with my personality. Overcoming the limitations of said personality and trying to live a soul-infused life is a continuous challenge. I do believe, however, that I am sent challenges that will only help me grow and learn. Onwards and upwards!

Chemo is next week: the last of the first four cycles of one type. Then onto four cycles of another. Halfway through! 

It’s been a while

30th July 2021

I can’t believe my last blog post was in the middle of June! So much has happened since then that this could be quite a long read. I was booked in for a whole raft of baseline tests, which included a bone scan, CT scan, echo cardiogram, MRI, and two biopsies and marker insertions. The biopsies are where they give you a local and then take tiny chunks out of the tumour to check whether it is cancerous. They then insert a tiny titanium marker in the middle of the area for the surgeon to find when I have surgery, because if the chemo has done its work, the tumour might be hard to find! Last time it shrank by about a half. 

I was lucky enough, after all this and before chemo, to go away with my husband down to Chichester for a weekend in a lovely hotel, the Millstream, in Bosham, which I can thoroughly recommend. We ate in their restaurant and the next day we visited the Wiston Winery on a beautiful sunny day. This was followed by dinner in Chichester and a visit to the National Trust property at Petworth House before we came home. It was so nice just to do something normal. 

Back home, I prepared for chemo which started on Wednesday 30th. I had a homeopathic consultation and stocked up on all the things I needed to support myself holistically – vitamins/supplements, foot patches (for detox), detox bath ingredients, smoothie ingredients…. 

I am very lucky to be able to have the nurse visit me to give me the chemo. They come laden with equipment. They give me an anti sickness pill which is taken an hour before the chemicals are given to me. I always like to Reiki whatever I take in the form of medication and this applies to the four syringes of the two types of chemo. These are given intravenously together with fluids and the whole process takes about 3 hours. I was then given various tablets for keeping the sickness at bay. These are in different quantities, at different times, over the following four days, so I had to create a chart to keep track! These do the job but one of the drugs is a steroid and I didn’t really take to this. I have since checked with the nurses and I can halve the dose which will be much better next time. I won’t bore you with the side effects but it has been a bit of trial. 

The next day, I am given an injection to boost my T cells. I was asked if I wanted to do this myself which filled me some level of horror but once I saw how the nurse did it and it really didn’t hurt, I was up for doing this myself after the next cycle. Luckily, my niece, who is a vet, was on hand the second time to check on my technique!

The first week after chemo was a real trial physically. The anti sickness drugs do their job but the side effects are difficult as I mentioned. I sleep in a different bedroom so I don’t disturb my husband as I am waking up at odd times. The Olympics has been great for providing some entertainment in the wee small hours. 

My stomach is a bit delicate generally and after chemo it felt pretty sore and uncomfortable. However, I completely changed my diet – no more rubbish foods, porridge for breakfast and a smoothie for lunch. Lots of healthy fruit and veg in that but I have to be careful as the Nutri Bullet leaves all the bits in, which is all very healthy, but when you feel delicate, it can be a bit revolting to try to swallow so I am now going to juice carrot and beetroot after chemo to help keep my system going! Carrot and beetroot bits are really too much for me to handle!

I felt pretty rough for a week after chemo. No energy, disturbed nights, but slowly my body starts to recover and by the end of the cycle I feel human again. The trick, though, is not to overdo it as that is a temptation and all it does is throw you back down again. My oncologist said at the beginning that it would be a good idea to keep exercising and, ten years ago, that’s what I did but this time round I have had so little energy. I have managed a couple of normal walks. Halfway through this cycle, I had a portacath inserted as my veins are pretty rubbish so they can take blood and inject the chemo through this. Last time around I had a PIC line which comes out of your arm and is a problem if it gets infected. It also has to be flushed on a regular basis. The port is inserted under the skin in the upper chest and therefore doesn’t have the same problems. During the insertion I opted for sedation. The consultant and nurses were so good and it was over in a morning but my body didn’t like it for quite a few days after before it settled down. 

I was able to go up to Cumbria to visit my sister in law and my nephew and nieces. We stayed in a holiday cottage and my daughter, who lives and works in Durham, came over to join us. Three days of family and happiness before we were back down and the second round started…

I was in a better place physically for the second chemo due to the healthy eating but it has still been difficult for a week after and it is only now that I am starting to feel human again. One day at a time. 

So, that’s a lot of detail about the physical. What about the spiritual? I have been so focussed on my body that I haven’t done a great deal with my guide but our meditation group continues to meet every day on Skype and it’s my responsibility to choose the meditations we follow. I am being supported so much by the group who have offered homeopathy, Australian Bush Flower remedies, Aura Soma, clearing of my meridians and a healing session each week, which includes me and anyone else in the group who needs it. 

I have been using Reiki when I can and I draw in the light to provide healing and support for my energy fields. I was prompted by a good friend who is also going to have to go through chemo for a different cancer to connect more with my guide now I am feeling better physically. Keeping that connection open and strong is now my priority on a daily basis. 

I also received a website enquiry for a remote reading yesterday and this confirmed to me that the Universe wants me to continue to work through the chemo and will support me in doing so. Thank you Mary Ann – the Universe has brought us together at just the right time. I can’t do courses until I am out the other side of this but readings are fine. 

So it’s a case of pace myself. Keep up the spiritual connection and use the light for the good of the Earth and all who travel upon her. There are so many lightworkers around, doing different things in different ways but all with the same intention – working for the highest good for humanity. When the world seems in chaos and fear, just holding yourself in the light, radiating it out to others and staying clear of those negative emotions, are all you need to do. 

If you’ve got this far, well done and thanks for reading! I will aim to post more regularly now I’m in a bit more of a rhythm. Love and light to you all.

#howtochannel  

#channelling